Have You Been Soaking in Your Cologne?

Cologne’s pretty expensive by volume.  It’s not exactly the kind of thing that I’d expect someone to fill his bathtub with. However, when a stiff breeze carries the smell of your cologne across the parking lot, I have no choice but to imagine that this is what you do.

Part of me wonders how many showers it takes to clean the scent off, much like what happens with the smoke smell after a night at a smoky bar.

The workplace, in general, has long been smoke-free. Do we have to start lobbying Congress or our local legislatures for the same protection from pervasive perfumed smells as we have from tobacco smoke?

Maybe I should figure out what cologne is choking off my air supply and find out who makes it. Then, at least, I can  wait until I notice that you’ve stopped wearing this particular scent, and then bet against the company. Of course, there would probably be a good case for insider trading, at the levels at which you purchase their product.




Learn how to microwave popcorn or don’t

Untitled by skaty222, on Flickr

Honestly, microwave popcorn often smells like unwiped… well, it stinks when it’s cooking. This is especially true of the higher “butter” content microwave popcorn.

But that’s okay–who am I to begrudge somebody a tasty afternoon snack?

Burnt popcorn, on the other hand, smells like a grease fire in a smoker’s lounge, and tastes like flaked off iron from an iron skillet. (Don’t ask.) There’s no way you’re enjoying that popcorn, and you’re torturing the rest of us.

More importantly, you seem to be burning popcorn with some consistency. Maybe you should try a sandwich for a snack instead:  less office-consuming smell and probably fewer calories.

It’s not really that hard to pop popcorn in the microwave:

  1. Remove plastic wrap.
  2. Place in middle of microwave so that the “wings” of the turn up [as is marked on the package].
  3. DON’T use the [Popcorn] button on the microwave–at least not as your only guide…
  4. Start the microwave on HIGH for something like 4 minutes or 3:15– whatever…
  5. Listen for the popping to go crazy and then slow down to between and 1 and 2 seconds per pop.
  6. Stop the microwave.
  7. Shake the bag.
  8. Open the bag.
  9. Eat the popcorn.

Steps 7 through 9 may be obvious to some, but I wanted to be clear, just in case there was any confusion.