Oh, Zojirushi 62 oz Coffee Carafe, You Make Me Very Angry

I guess my beef isn’t specifically with this coffee carafe, but I do take issue with the design of the carafe that makes my unfortunate circumstances that much more likely.

The problem with this carafe is that it’s hard to get coffee out of it once the first few ounces of coffee are gone. You have tilt the coffee pot on its side, and that’s where my trouble started.

There I was, trying to get coffee out of a one-third to one-half full coffee pot.

There (some indeterminate amount of time before) someone else was, barely screwing the lid on the carafe.

Back to the present, there I was, getting doused with coffee from a very well insulated pot as the lid came off.

If you see this carafe in your office, be very careful pouring your coffee, or even better… RUN AWAY.

How to Make Coffee

Obviously, automatic coffee makers with hot water supply are too challenging, so here is a step-by-step guide:

1) Pull filter basket out
2) Put a new coffee filter in the basket.
3) Open coffee packet.
4) Pour coffee in basket.
5) Put filter basket back in place.
6) Rinse out near empty carafe.
7) Put carafe back.
8) Hit green/start/brew/on button.

How to Make Coffee

Obviously, automatic coffee makers with hot water supply are too challenging, so here is a step-by-step guide:

1) Pull filter basket out
2) Put a new coffee filter in the basket.
3) Open coffee packet.
4) Pour coffee in basket.
5) Put filter basket back in place.
6) Rinse out near empty carafe.
7) Put carafe back.
8) Hit green/start/brew/on button.

Do Not Mess with the Flow of Coffee

New coffee maker
Image by scriptingnews via Flickr

I know times are tough, and that we need to save money wherever we can.

That being said, DON’T MESS WITH THE FLOW OF COFFEE.

*ahem* Please, excuse me for yelling.  The supply of coffee to your workers is as vital to the productivity of your office as the supply of gasoline is to the transportation system.

Some things not to do without careful analysis and communication to your workers:

  • Requiring workers to pay for the office coffee.
  • Changing the supplier of the coffee to your break room.
  • Changing the model of coffee maker to a cheaper one.  (You had better make sure it can actually handle the load that your office staff will put on it.)
  • “Going green” by no longer supplying cups. It’s best to get acknowledgment in writing from every one of your employees, lest a revolt break out due to the inability of people to actually get coffee, or worse, people taking the carafes as coffee mugs.

 

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I want my crappy coffee; I need my crappy coffee

A person might not be evil for planning a large team meeting in the break room. Or placing a makeshift sign on the door informing me that a meeting is in progress and I am not invited.

But when said meeting occurs between 7:30a.m. and 9:30a.m. on a Monday morning … I know I am dealing with pure evil. Who in their right mind would place a barrier between dozens of Monday-morning workers and their crappy break room coffee? Too much of this, and a grumpy coworker uprising is inevitable.