When we decide to make a job change, we often do it for a variety of reasons and only after much consideration. If we’ve been working for a number of years, and family and relocation issues are present, our decision becomes even more consequential. Even if we’re just starting out, we always try to go the extreme due diligence route.
But sometimes, no matter how assiduous our vetting was, there is that rare occasion when you are sitting in your new office, staring out the window, and whispering to yourself, “Good Lord, what have I done?”
If you’ve found out that you’ve made a terrible career/life choice, you need to do something about it, and the sooner the better. Recognizing the fact as quickly as possible increases your chances of surviving a bad job choice. The Department of Labor’s Bureau of Poor Career Choices has published a guide to help you find out if you’ve possibly ruined your career, your marriage, and financial future. The pamphlet is aptly named “10 Signs That You’ve Made a Horrible New Job Choice.” They have given their permission to reprint them here.
10 Signs That You’ve Made A Horrible New Job Choice
- Stranger In A Strange Land
After several days people are still asking you who you are and demanding that you show some ID.
- Employee #347783920-3AFX76
Even after three attempts, your office door nameplate is still being misspelled.
After one week you still have yet to meet anyone who is NOT interviewing elsewhere.
- You’re Good, But You’re Not Derek Jeter
You grow tired of hearing how utterly fantastic the person you replaced was, and how much they are missed.
- “We’re Working On Getting You One That Works.”
After 10 days, you still don’t have a restroom key that works and are getting a little annoyed at having to run down to the bathroom in the Subway in the lobby.
- Toxic Waste?
As you explore a new hallway in the bowels of the building you are repulsed by the stench of what seems to be three-month-old chicken parts that have been left out in the sun. When you inquire about it, you are told quite curtly to, “Never mention it to anyone.”
- Palace Coup
Shortly after you start, you are called to a company-wide meeting where it is announced that your boss and four people in your group have been fired for embezzling company funds.
- Locked Out
One morning, you swipe your card to enter the parking garage and it no longer works. HR assures you that it was just “a clerical error.”
- Cash, A High Draft Choice, And A Player To Be Named Later
You discover that your old company hired the person you replaced and it is rumored that their salary is much higher than the one you had.
- Merger Mania
Everyone receives a memo with the subject “Great News.” It explains that your company has been acquired by a huge multinational. Everyone knows what that means.
If you have experienced any of these signs, The Department of Labor recommends their booklet “Do I Have a Snowball’s Chance of Getting Unemployment!”