If Not Talking on the Phone While Using the Restroom Impacts Your Performance

…you need either considerably more or considerably less fiber in your diet.

I can only imagine the horror of the person on the other end of the line as you’re working through a problem and an automatic power flusher goes off.

Worse yet, imagine this being a conference call that someone has on speakerphone. Half of the office will experience the joy of every restroom sound.

I may just have to intentionally set off the power flusher a few times while I’m the stall next time.

How Not to Leave a Phone Message

Many of us phone novices are guilty of this…  Do not leave your phone message like this:

My name is [x] with [y]

Paragraph 1

Paragraph 2

Paragraph 3

Paragraph 4

Paragraph 5

… two minutes later …

My number is [blur]

My cell number is [blur]

My name is [x]

I have to replay/navigate to the end of the message to get the phone number. With cell phone message functionality this works okay, however, I don’t have my voicemail shortcuts memorized, so I’m stuck re-listening to the whole message.

Also, the only thing you repeated was your name. That’s moderately useful, but your contact info is far more important. If I don’t have that, remembering what your name is is useless.

I would personally prefer a script like this:

Hi, my name is [x] with [y].

My number is [spoken while you write it down].

My cell number is [spoken while you write it down].

I’m calling about [n].  [Maybe a second sentence goes here].

Again, my name is [x] with [y].

My number is [spoken while you write it down].

My cell number is [spoken while you write it down].

Please don’t try to solve the issues you’re calling about on the message. There’d be no reason to call in that case.

Wrong number … again

I do not work in the Parts Department. I have never worked in the Parts Department. You would think after working in this office as long as I have, I would stop getting calls for the Parts Department.

I can understand the need to reuse extension numbers within an office building. What I cannot understand is the frequency that I have the following conversation.

“Hello, this is Mr. Grumpy, in Marketing. How may I help you?”
“Yes…” <pause> “Is Denise there?”
“What part of my greeting did you not understand, sir?”
“Is this 111-1234?”
<pause> “Well, I am looking for Denise in the Parts Department.
This is the number I got from the phone listing.”
“Sir, I can assure you that nobody named Denise is hiding in my cubicle. Just out of curiosity, is there a date on your phone listing?”
<longer pause> “Uh, it looks like 1995.”
“Gee, that’s a shock. Would you like me to transfer you to the Operator now?”

Oh the noise… Cell phone ringers

Ah, I remember when a digital beep pattern was the norm for the cell phone. Then, cell phones started coming with preprogrammed “tunes”, that were just a variation on that beep pattern.

At various points in time, using a voice recording, midi, or music file for a phone ringer were all novel. Occasionally, some fun or catchy sound or song comes along, and we are tempted to use it as our full time ringer. Unfortunately, the company is not paying you to amuse or entertain us, the coworkers. Maybe if you’re a comedian, clown, musician, you entertain patrons or clients–but I doubt those people resort to ringtones.

Besides, “Gold Digger” and “I Kissed a Girl” ringtones make things awkward. Use a plain ringer and turn it down or put it on vibrate. Otherwise, I’m going to have to go Office Space on your phone.