Email is Still the Way to #Fail in a Deep, Meaningful Way

Twitter is for Explosive Fails

I have to admit, if you’re going to fail spectacularly, email is no longer the best option.

At this point in time, Twitter is the best option:

The upside of failing on Twitter is that everyone following Twitter news seems to have such a short attention span, that…  oh look a cute kitten.

Email is for Deep, Meaningful Fails

Still, if you want to fail on a deep, personal level, email is still the way to go. Email allows you the space to make you think that your sarcasm or bad humor is getting across, unlike Twitter, which limits you to 140 characters.

More importantly, unlike phone conversations and face-to-face meetings [assuming no external recording devices are used], email always leaves a somewhat permanent record of your poor judgment.

Some tips on making your email failure a meaningful experience:

  • When someone sends an email asking for confirmation before proceeding, be sure to respond in a font 4 times the size of all prior correspondence.
  • …ALL CAPS helps as well.
  • Be sure to add sarcasm to your response, but be careful not to indicate sarcasm in any way.  Your readers should be able to recognize the sarcasm unless they are complete idiots, in which case, they deserve to take the response the wrong way.
  • Be sure to use non-neutral and high contrast foreground [lime green]/background[fire engine red] colors in your response, in order to simulate a migraine in the person reading your response.
  • Be sure to reply to all whenever you’re angry.  This increases the likelihood that someone will respond quickly.
  • Whatever you do, don’t hesitate to use email when you’re emotional. Talking on the phone or in person can only show weakness.  In email, everyone’s a WARRIOR.