Look, I know you want to be helpful and productive. It’s just that we have a process here.
We can’t have you helping customers out if it comes at the expense of the “5-step process to Serve the Customer Better.”
The customer can wait.
Also, make sure to ask the customer who to bill your time to so that we can make sure that you get paid.
Be sure to get the proper accounting id and record your billing as the proper work type code number.
I am sure that Microsoft had great intentions when inventing MS Project – the application which automates all sorts of Project Management tasks. Project management is tough. If we could automate the process of tracking and reporting the thousands of little details, we could surely enable the PM to be more successful in managing complex projects. Right?
Let me change subjects completely in paragraph 2. How many sci-fi movies have been based on the machines of automation becoming “aware” of the imperfect world around them? And suddenly, the machine turns its attention to elimination rather than automation? Elimination of all imperfection, including the imperfect people who created it. A plot line we all enjoy at the sci-fi theater.
Now I will bring those first 2 paragraphs together. When I see how MS Project is being used in many organizations today, I wonder if the machine is becoming aware. I wonder if the tool – with a little help from a new breed of PM – is turning from automation to elimination in favor of perfection. (Say what?) Let me elaborate.
I have observed workers forced to estimate how long their tasks will take before completing sufficient analysis – because MS Project needs the estimates. Then I have witnessed those workers publicly called out later – because MS Project shows they have spent 110% of their poorly estimated task time and still aren’t finished. I have also seen programmers scolded for padding their estimates – because MS Project says that they completed their tasks 20% ahead. And finally, I have seen team leaders rebuked for shuffling their resources and tasks – because MS Project was not updated and allowed to calculate a shiny new driving path.
Now consider that many PMP types today are called on to manage complex work which they would have no idea how to complete themselves – but boy do they know how to keep MS Project happy! Are you connecting the dots yet??
Yes, my fellow grumpy coworkers, MS Project has become aware. It is raising an army of PM’s to do its bidding! Productive work by those who know how to work is being methodically eliminated – by the mindless machine and its desire to achieve perfection in project management. Be aware.
Have you worked in a job at a time when people with your skill set was so in demand that people would throw you bags of money? Did you notice that, come raise time, the barely competent among your peers received increases nearly twice the rate of inflation? At the same time, the superstars would receive about 1-2% more.
Meanwhile, in less exuberant times, the superstars have to claw and scratch to keep pace with inflation.
Sometimes, these pay raises are termed “merit increases”. Many times, they’re not even cost-of-living adjustments. In any case, if money was to be a motivating factor and effort required a demotivating factor, the employee who is doing barely enough to earn a “merit increase” is coming out ahead.
If money isn’t supposed to be motivating, what’s the point of expending the effort to determine who should get what increase? Just give a flat percentage or amount increase. After all, all these calculations for who gets what result in a very small difference between employees, and can easily be seen by your superstars as a slight against them any way.
Back to the “merit increase” terminology. Can we just can call it a “random crap shoot budget allocation” increase, or maybe if you work for a less coddling organization, a “you’re lucky you have a job” increase?
I guess I had made some incorrect assumptions about the function of the “mute” button on my phone.
I’ve always assumed that when properly activated, the mute button prevents other people from hearing things that are on my end of the line, and not like how the TV mute button works, which prevents me from hearing things from coming through the phone.
After comparing notes with several other people, I’ve determined that, at least for conference calls, the mute button works quite differently. While the mute button is activated, not only can people not hear their names being mentioned during a call, but they apparently hear very little of what’s actually going on during the conference call. Only after being prodded by several alternative methods can a person whose phone was on mute actually realize that the rest of the participants on the call are waiting for feedback. More importantly, the last 5-10 minutes of the meeting have to repeated for the benefit of the person on mute.
A side effect of the mute button is the rendering of the feedback provided by the person who was on mute completely useless. The best remedy for such feedback is a verbatim quoting of the feedback in a mass email to all participants of the call. At this point, one of two outcomes will take place: Either there will be a complete retraction of the erroneous feedback or there will be a written record of commitment to the feedback provided.
Hope this helps.
I’m not even sure these nutritional “supplements” are non-lethal, much less effective. How do I know that these vitamins, or whatever they are, aren’t going to show up in a drug test later?
I also have to ask: What kind of compensation structure is involved that makes this multi-level marketing network marketing of nutritional supplements worth the time and energy you spend on it?
Am I the only coworker you’ve tried to recruit for this? If so, I must apologize for wearing my “sucker” outfit today. All my other clothes were dirty, and I’m behind on my laundry.
On the other hand, if I’m not the only coworker you’ve tried to recruit for this “opportunity”, how much work time are you spending recruiting? Have you tried spending the same amount of time reading a book that might improve your performance? Even if you get nothing out of the book, you’ll no longer be known as the “guy who tries to recruit people for every money making opportunity he finds.” You might accidentally make more money from the lack of negative image drag.
Honestly, if you were intentionally hired to do the job that you’re paid for, chances are fairly good that you’ll get a higher return on your invested time there than if you spend it trying to sell a product that you virtually nothing about.
A possible fictionalization of the history of meetings:
A long time ago, possibly before the invention of electronic calendars, meetings were scheduled in one-hour blocks.
Then, someone noticed that the electronic calendar could schedule meetings for 30 minutes, and so, half-hour meetings were born.
Finally, someone really, really, smart realized that you could schedule meetings that went from 1:03 pm to 1:34 pm…
Fortunately, no one else’s brain worked that way, so a happy medium of 15 minute increments for meetings was agreed upon.
The Lilliputian Meeting Tyranny
While the Brobdingnagian 3 and 4 hour meeting still strikes far more fear in the heart of productivity, the truth is that the ominous giants rarely have openings in the schedule walls that they can fit through. Aside from brute force ramming into everyone’s schedules, the giants stay isolated in the wilderness.
The real danger lies with the 15 minute meetings. These Lilliputian meetings are not a threat because 160 15-minutes status meetings can squeeze into an open 40 hour schedule. *shudder* They are a threat because 20 15-minute status meetings can fit into your lunch hour in a week, with none of them causing enough of a threat to be individually defended against. Even worse, 40 more 15-minute meetings can be scheduled in the small bits of daylight in your schedule.
Of course, the 15-minute meeting is too small to actually say “no” to. It’s like making someone return their lunch because they’re 2 cents short of $2.89: What kind of person are you to make someone do that? Are you that greedy with your time that you can’t spare 15 minutes?
So, what do we accomplish in these meetings?
The 15-Minute Meeting Agenda
- 5 minutes travel time/dial-in time/waiting for people to realize their clock is out-of-sync
- 5 minutes of greetings
- 2 minutes of status
- 3 minutes of disconnect beeps or leaving early for a restroom break
I’ve heard a lot of buzz about Results Only Work Environments [ROWE], particularly from the book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us (Amazon link).
I was curious about finding a naysayer and found Why I Don’t Like Rowe | Renegade HR. The article points out ethics, some worker’s need for structure, and communication/morale/culture challenges of working remotely.
I thought of an even bigger challenges–loosely related to structure:
- Often, there isn’t much agreement on what results are. Driven employees will hit home runs that management won’t even understand.
- It’s so much more convenient to clock watch employees 8 to 5.
- Those same clock watchers would rather judge productivity by seeing that more than 40 hours in a week are logged by everyone than try to figure out if more than 1 hour per week of actual work was done.
- How the heck can you have a 3 hour, 120 person meeting if not everyone is working 8 to 5?
Everyone’s favorite meeting is the meeting to prepare for a meeting. It’s like a double tax on your already overtaxed time.
When our work is behind schedule, and someone calls a meeting to discuss creative ways to get back on track, why does our team need a meeting to prepare for that meeting? Because it’s not about creative solutions, that’s why. It’s about agreeing on who we can blame for sucking worse than we do.
And when the project is done and the project manager schedules a “Lessons Learned” meeting, why does our team need a meeting to prepare for that? You guessed it … it’s not about the lessons learned. It’s about being prepared to deflect all criticism and prove that everyone else on the project sucked worse than we did. Thanks, but I’d rather have my time back, so I can do more and suck less!
Here’s the point: meetings to prepare for meetings always contribute to the suckiness of the workplace. Without them, people would have more time to do real work, and could actually have real discussions in the real meetings. So please, stop double taxing my time.
- [Amazon affiliate link]
Originally posted at YouMightBe.com.
Object of the game: Don’t be caught giving your status update when the potato goes off.
Requires: Hot potato timer or random timer smartphone app. If you know of a link to a good one, please leave it in the comments.
Rules of the game:
- A different person starts the status meeting every week.
- The random “Hot Potato” timer starts when the first person begins his or her update.
- When an update is complete, the person picks a random person to hand/toss the “hot potato” to.
- Repeat giving updates and handing off the potato until updates are complete or the hot potato goes off.
- If the potato goes off during your update, you must buy coffee and donuts/bagels/etc. for the entire team the next morning.
- If the entire meeting goes off without the potato going off, the manager buys the food.
- Interrupting an update means that you get to hold the potato next, or if you’ve gone already, until the person giving the update is finished talking.