Is your language getting filled with business jargon and completely unnecessary business euphemisms?
Go to Unsuck It.
On the main page you can search for suitable replacement terms that are more direct and in plain english, or your can browse the word list if you want to create your own game of buzzword bingo.
Just a warning: browsing the word list may have you shaking your head a lot or even smacking your forehead in disgust at how convoluted business language can be.
Ah, I remember when a digital beep pattern was the norm for the cell phone. Then, cell phones started coming with preprogrammed “tunes”, that were just a variation on that beep pattern.
At various points in time, using a voice recording, midi, or music file for a phone ringer were all novel. Occasionally, some fun or catchy sound or song comes along, and we are tempted to use it as our full time ringer. Unfortunately, the company is not paying you to amuse or entertain us, the coworkers. Maybe if you’re a comedian, clown, musician, you entertain patrons or clients–but I doubt those people resort to ringtones.
Besides, “Gold Digger” and “I Kissed a Girl” ringtones make things awkward. Use a plain ringer and turn it down or put it on vibrate. Otherwise, I’m going to have to go Office Space on your phone.
Maybe your use of a urinal made it possible to do your business “hands-free”.
The rest of us would still like you at least to go through the motions of good hygiene for our peace of mind.
Also, if you had to sit on the toilet, it’s unlikely that your hands didn’t do any dirty work. Stop kidding yourself.
That doesn’t mean that your cubicle is an ideal place for it.
Please stop now.
Last time I checked, the dress code didn’t include open-toed shoes for men.
I really don’t want to see your toes, no matter how much you spent on a pedicure.