…you need either considerably more or considerably less fiber in your diet.
I can only imagine the horror of the person on the other end of the line as you’re working through a problem and an automatic power flusher goes off.
Worse yet, imagine this being a conference call that someone has on speakerphone. Half of the office will experience the joy of every restroom sound.
I may just have to intentionally set off the power flusher a few times while I’m the stall next time.
Question #1: If there are 5 floors in my office building, and 1 set of men/women bathrooms on each floor, how many bathrooms are there on the 2nd floor where I work?
Answer: Not nearly enough!
Question #2: If the bathroom cleaning lady cleans the bathroom on my floor between 12:30pm and 12:57pm, how many minutes does it take her to clean the bathroom?
Answer: That’s right at the end of our lunch break, lady! There are 150 cross-legged people who agree that you take WAY too long to clean this bathroom.
Question #3: If the bathrooms on my floor are being remodeled and are closed for 6 weeks, how many enemies will I make for regularly occupying one of the 3 functional toilets on the next floor up or down?
Answer: It takes SIX WEEKS to remodel a bathroom??? You have got to be kidding me and my bladder!
Question #4: How many empty soda cans does it take to do the work of 1 toilet while my bathroom is being remodeled?
Answer: I have absolutely no idea! And I don’t care how many dirty looks I get from those first floor jerks, I am NOT going to find out!
Question #5: If the first floor bathroom takes 50% as long to remodel as the one on my floor took, how many weeks will it be closed?
Answer: Who cares – it’s payback time! “Sorry Mr. First Floor Jerk, this stall is going to be occupied until the cleaning lady comes back. Try the 5th floor, I think there is 1 functional toilet up there.”
Maybe your use of a urinal made it possible to do your business “hands-free”.
The rest of us would still like you at least to go through the motions of good hygiene for our peace of mind.
Also, if you had to sit on the toilet, it’s unlikely that your hands didn’t do any dirty work. Stop kidding yourself.